Getting familiar with the “do´s and dont´s” - 3 ...

A warning for the judgmental

When we are talking about sin, I think we need to talk about the pandemic of pointed fingers and furrowed brows.
The worst part about this entry is that half of what I’ll say here is what I have seen in churches…There is a lot to say, as much as I don’t want to dwell on it.
The most important sentence here is probably this one: “Do not judge, or you will be judged.For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:1-5). Or in Luke 6:37: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
This is to say, if you are using harsh judgement on others, you are subjecting yourself to the same. If you use mercy, grace, compassion, forgiveness, patience, tenderness... that is what you will receive in return.
What it is also saying is, if the reason you are looking at someone elses mistakes or sin is to help them, let God help you with the mistake or sin in that area first. You can not help someone with their Issue, while you are struggling with the same. A blind person, can not leas a blind person, or both will fall. 
So think about the things your are pointing out in other peoples life and check if you could be held acounntable for the same things. 
But if helping them is not in fact the reason for the pointing, you are in trouble anyway. 
If Jesus was so clear about it, what happens that we still end up doing it?
Some people at church even take it upon themselves to be like lawyers. They like to stick their nose deep into other people's business, find any evidence there is to find, make any assumption there is to be had, and then declare the person guilty.
Worse still is simply hearing something and judging based on it.
The only thing that’s worse is going to the person and speaking condemnation to them—that you have spoken behind their back—claiming you are an honest person, and that’s why you are telling them to their face.First of all, WHO?
Who asked you about your opinion? Because if God the Father did not, and the Holy Spirit did not, and Jesus did not, that’s three votes against one. The three being omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient, and you being a bit of a gossip, really.
Can we then pause for a minute and think about what the actual heck that is all about?
Because surely, if Jesus says don’t do it, and He loves us, there must be a good, loving reason other than “If they find out, it’s not going to be nice,” right?
Right! Here we go. Alla “You reap what you sow,” Jesus continues in Matthew 7:2, saying, “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged”—simply put, you are bringing judgment on yourself by not being God but judging as though you were—“and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Then He goes on to say something so important, which reminds me of the adulterous woman who should have died the day she met Jesus in John 8:11. There He told the men who were just waiting for Him to say the word so they could kill her, that the one among them who is without sin should throw the first stone. No one throws. All leave.Let us be reminded of this, ALWAYS, when we are judging in thought, heart, word, or action.I was full of sin and sinful habits when I first started going to church again. Because I wanted to be a “good girl” so badly, I worked hard on my outer appearance and performance until I sounded and looked like everyone else. But inside, I was still struggling with self-loathing, the spirit of orphanhood, and lust.
That’s when one of the guys at church who was leading worship fell in love with me.
We got together pretty quickly, but against my better judgment. I knew what I looked like on the inside. I was afraid of it. But I also thought, if he is so holy, he can lead me out of it. We performed wonderfully. I kept my farce upright, and he did his. Then when we started having more intimate and deep talks, he revealed that he had the same struggles, and sometimes they would get extreme. But we didn’t seek help, even though I had wonderful mentors at that time. It was a mixture of shame and pride that had us thinking if we only tried hard enough, we would be fine. We had the performance down to perfection.
I’m talking long skirts and dresses, subtle earrings, always seen in casual-classic matching outfits. I’m talking about how he knew verses and long passages by heart with no problem, and I was all smiles and decency, keeping my half-step behind him and not talking to other men except when he was around. I’m talking about being on stage, doing worship together, and just being perfect. We even had a nickname. About one year later, we found ourselves having slept with each other repeatedly, fighting, regretting, and trying to get the last details of our wedding planned.
We had gotten into counseling by then, but nothing helped. When I broke things off, I was devastated, and he was shocked.
I was not okay. At all. The last thing we needed were whispers, fingers, and eyes. Y’all, sometimes it only takes one person and one comment to push someone over the edge. Can we normalize training our tongues…please?

Man, did I go into hiding. Man, did that hurt. It's always enough to condemn oneself. It's never necessary to be corrected when you are condemning yourself and know it was not right.
It was not beautiful, and the enemy had me even more than when I was actually in the middle of the sins.
And then my ex-fiancé had taken it upon himself to warn me and give me some good advice, saying, “We have slept with one another. You are obligated to marry me and cannot end things.” I’m not quite sure anymore how he phrased the other things, but the overall warning was, “You don’t really think that anyone will ever have you after your past and now this, do you?”I’m sure I felt as though he was right because that stuck with me for quite a while. I was judged and condemned. Not by the Lord, though.I think we go around judging people because we find it easier that way. I don’t believe that it’s always linked to an evil forethought or even pride. I think it’s rather one of those things that can sneak in very quickly and happen before you even think about it.
You know people who have spoken judgment over others sleeping with each other before marriage but have told stories of how they thought this guy was hot, so they texted till late, and how his voice is super sexy when he is tired, giving them goosebumps, and how they dreamt of him, etc. Or couples who point fingers at others living together but are both addicted to porn and masturbation. Or people making out on their parents’ sofa but talking to others about why they didn’t save themselves for marriage.
Now, some of you might read this and think, texting with someone late at night, finding them sexy, dreaming about them, watching porn, touching oneself, kissing, and making out—that’s nothing compared to actually having sex. Surely, sex is the bigger sin, right?
If we are the ones judging, we would probably say “yes.”
We would say something like, “I don’t think talking to a guy late at night or thinking he is sexy is an issue at all. Making out with him might be dangerous, yes, because of what it can lead to. Masturbating and porn are personal issues that can become unhealthy because they distort expectations of reality,” etc.
And thus, we would conclude that that’s the way it truly is. Or have we already collectively concluded that it must be so, surely?
That is what I would call “churchy culture.” The guy on girlfriend number six in two years has attachment issues and needs help to overcome them—poor guy—but the one who slept with his longtime girlfriend has lust issues and needs to be checked and held accountable.
Don’t tell me you haven’t seen anything like this happen in your circle.
The girl who is on Instagram five hours a day has to find a hobby and go out for some fresh air; maybe she needs friends—poor girl—but the girl who smokes before and after church is a problem, smells, and needs those addictions driven out of her. Ring a bell?
The lad who keeps all his feelings bottled up but gives a bitter comment every now and then because his father never loved him and his mum was always working just needs a father figure and many hugs. But the dude with the skeleton tattoo at the back of his neck and the other tattoo right above his eyes that says “death” is so dangerous, he should probably not even be allowed near women or children, because he might snap and harm them. Anybody…?Now, I don’t have enough knowledge about tattoos. I’ve always debated whether to have one or not—why, when, how, what, etc.—because I like the way it looks but can’t seem to make up my mind about it just yet. So let’s go back to the first example.
We have this thing where we’ve decided—without actually taking a survey or writing it on paper—that you can do almost everything up until just before having sex, but as long as you don’t actually do it, you are saving yourself for marriage and have made it once you’re married.
But this becomes problematic if we think a little further—let’s say two years into marriage—and your husband is up late texting this lady.
If that sounds fine for you, okay. Then let’s say they are on the phone, talking about this and that, and he constantly has this look on his face like he’s drifting off into thoughts. They’re also giggling and laughing a lot.

Some of you are getting a little uncomfortable with that thought; others might not. How about this: your wife is watching two other people on screen sleeping with each other right next to you. It’s getting weird now, isn’t it?
Why do you think that and the things before somehow just don’t sit right when they’re not kept between you and your spouse?
Could it be that late-night talks are meant to be within marriage?
Maybe you would argue that it’s different to be in a relationship than in a marriage. Would you feel betrayed if it was your boyfriend? Sure, you would. But you’d be right to say it’s different when married. Not because you just feel it is, but because God instituted marriage. It is sacred, it is holy, and it’s meant to glorify Him because it’s to sharpen one another and aid one another in growing into the likeness of Jesus. And Jesus never cheated, never betrayed, never stopped keeping His word.
So, since it’s God who invented this whole thing, let’s see what Jesus has to say about it.“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28).That’s pretty harsh because now, if we’re all being honest, we’ve looked at someone with lust.
Wait, does that mean that there are days when I commit adultery repeatedly? You might be asking. The answer is probably “yes” if you have to ask. The comfort is, we all fall short; the solution is the cross.
Do you understand what this means?
God is spirit. He speaks to the heart. He sees and knows all. If He looks at the heart and sees sin, even if you haven’t—yet—acted on it, He has already seen it, and you have committed it. He does not respect your opinion on whether He’s too stern about this because He knows mankind and how we are.
That’s why the Bible says clearly, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he,” and that it is out of the heart that our deeds flow. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when.”
Now, some of you might be free of lust and feel safe from feeling caught.
Lust is just one example.
Jesus also talks about greed, anger, self-righteousness, what we say, pride, and even worry. But equally important, He says that anyone who sets aside part of the commands—kind of like picking and choosing what we think is bad, less bad, or okay—and teaches others the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven. But whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.So, what should our response be when we see sin in other people’s lives?
We know what not to do, right? NOT think, “Thank God that can never happen to me,” because, mind you… you don’t know your future, and according to Jesus’ standard, you may be guilty of the same sin.
It’s like looking at a man convicted of murder who is now out and at YOUR church of all places… and you’re staring at him with furrowed eyebrows and 13 comments on your tongue while feeling anger and even hatred toward him because you have a son the age of the girl the man killed, and just the thought of him being capable of...
Aaand… you’ve just made yourself guilty, according to Matthew 5:21-22, and in danger of the fire of hell.
So, I’d say “Lean not on your own understanding” would come in handy here.
Rather, here’s what we can do:
We can always pray for them cant we ? 
We can pray that if they continue to sin, they would be given into the hands of the enemy, so that they can go running back to the father.We can pray that they are not left alone my conviction but plagued by it. We can pray that wen they do go running to Him the love of the Father would engulf them, for their conviction to bring them closer to God, for them to be surrounded by wise people who will counsel and corect them properly, and for God to make a testimony out of what is happening or has happened.
If you see others meeting them with judgment, you can always take those people aside and say, “Hey friend, we don’t know all that is hidden. God does. Let us not judge, lest we be judged, hm? Maybe let’s pray for him/her instead". And you pray for them, depending on the situation. 
If you observe people turning their backs on the person, you can even approach the individual and say, “Hey friend, I am sorry to tell you this, but I heard or saw… insert sin… and I just wanted to remind you that the cross is always waiting for you. And if you’re hurting or need to talk, why don’t we meet up and have a chat or some coffee? Your treat.” And then you pray for or with them. 
If you’re close and could be considered someone to speak into their lives, ask yourself this question: “Do I have enough love for them to meet them without judgment?” If you do, go for it. Be their friend in need and deed, tell them the truth, ask them how you can help them overcome, if they dont know how, you have scripture to tell you, how to go murder the sin together, take them to speaking to the pastor, go with them, be their accountability partner, etc.. So much that does not include judgement or gossip.
Consider it a “What would Jesus do?” moment, and make your Father proud by loving your brother/sister in Christ THE RIGHT WAY (that does not envolve all smiles to their face but back bite gossip).

Now, Jesus gives us a whole manual on how to handle things. While we might not always be the right person to get things rolling, we can always find someone who is, while keeping our mouths shut on the way there.
Matthew 18:15-17—please read it and notice the order in which we are to do things and with what dignity.Where am I getting the “love” part from?
1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” That ties in with Ephesians 4:15: “… instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is Christ.” So, when we are preaching, teaching, speaking, even correcting, we ought to do it in love because that is what the Father does.Now, let me end with this:
If any of this speaks to you, don’t worry. Just go to the cross, repent, and leave it there. Jesus will take care of it. Thank you, Jesus.To the gossipers who think it’s a secret—“My bestie and I always talk like this, and as long as the other person doesn’t know, I’m not hurting anyone…”
Oh, but Jesus knows… and you are hurting His bride, and therefore, hurting Him.
All the while, you are corrupting your character and aiding your bestie in doing the same.
Look at what Proverbs says about it (Proverbs 20:19, 11:13, 26:22, etc.).
The first letter to Timothy shows us that they might have been dealing with the poison gossip brings (1 Timothy 3:11).
There are countless other verses that rebuke slander and gossip, from the beginning of the Bible (Leviticus 19:16) to the end. In fact, James has quite a lot to say about the tongue if you care to look.Please stop this. Let us all mature together as the bride of Christ.
If you are guilty, no problem—His mercy is greater than any gossip you have ever spread. Run to Him instead of resisting and running from conviction.

Hate sin with all your heart but not the person. Love the person -not do gooder, fluffy, all is well love, but JESUS LOVE that says "lets go kill us some sin because hell is feeling to close right now".
And while we’re at it, let’s normalize being discerning but not being judgmental, yes? It destroys both you and them. 

Okey. Love you guys <3 

bye