Courtyard to Entrance - Part 2 ...
Become found
Becoming found is the moment in your life after acknowledging, that you have come to the end of yourself and simply don’t know how to get any further, or the moment after having known for a long while that you needed help and before having put away all the habits of an orphan.
Now some of you might be very fast and good at this. For me it took years to lay aside layers and layers of pain, hurt, disappointment, guilt, anger, sadness, mistrust and discontent I was carrying with me.
But I do remember the immediate sensation of lightness and a never before joy until looking forward to my own future once I entered the courtyard. I also remember that I felt seen. Sometimes the best feeling ever and other times a nightmare. Not because when God shows you that He sees you, it is a nightmare, but because the enemy used it, to make me aware of how dirty I had been and made me believe I was still just as dirty.
Another beautiful thing I remember is the feeling of being connected to other believers and sincerely wanting this God and the relationship to Him to be my new home. But this is a journal. And I am not trying to sell you something. Or at least I’m not trying to sell you something that then turns out to be something else. The things I am writing in this journal are supposed to be an actual help and guideline and encouragement… first to myself but also to anyone who finds it helpful. That simple. That means it is real and authentic and contains some things that do not at all put a smile on the face or spread a warm fussy feeling. Not always. Especially not in this section.
Even more reason to read it with caution and wisdom -as you should always do with anything anyone writes- but also with interest and a soft heart. I want to warn you and prepare you for some things I was not prepared for, so that you can go make your own mistakes that others can/will learn from and not mine.
Speaking of “mine”. “You are mine”.
I have seen, felt, and heard that statement to me so many times in my life. Half of the time my pain was louder, my sin was blinding me or simply was not listening.
The last time I audibly heard it, was during a service where in the middle of the worship block I had a thought of how things would be so different, if I had a husband etc. and then struggling to put that thought away and concentrating on the corporate worship and music out of nowhere I heard HIM say in deep, warm but very steady and sure voice “You are mine”. I remember being in amazement and not being able to stop a smile and warm feeling to spread. “That’s my Dad for you” I thought. And later that day I prayed that He would always be enough because I do not ever want to fall into idolatry again.
I believe that is exactly what He was trying to say by simply saying “You are mine”.
Now here is a funny thing. Weeks later, as I was writing this very text, literally moments before typing this next sentence, the enemy whispered to me something like “What if that was not God at all? You might still have a soul tie. Don’t you think it`s funny, that you would hear that in the very moment you are thinking of marriage? What if it was an unclean spirit talking to you?”. Do you want to know what my response was? You are reading it this very instance.
My certainty in my salvation through Jesus and by God’s grace and my deliverance by the power of the blood of Jesus and my new being that listens to and hears the voice of God by His own holy spirit that lives inside of me, had me swatting that thought away without hesitation and recording it as a lie as well as countering it with the truth. By the time I was writing the word “truth” in the last sentence I was feeling the victory that is the lords pour over me. I could literally feel my heavenly father smile with pride, simply because I repeated what He has done and believe it.
It has not always been so though. In fact I still have moments, where I simply am not sure of some things I actually know to be true.
They are way less than years ago or even months ago. And they passe by quite swiftly now, or rather, I am now able to out-truth the lies and actually believe what I am saying a lot faster than I used to as a freshly found.
But one of the very first things that we need to learn when understanding that we are found is that the enemy is absolutely furious about it and if he has not terrorized you before -quite unlikely that he didn’t use every opportunity of your lostness to do so, since he does not play fair- he will definitely attempt to do so now.
The truth is… That is the reality of being in the “just found” state.
The enemy will still try shouting things from the street into the courtyard. He will still try having you believe that he can snatch you back, harm you, drag you out.
You need to be aware of this because he is very clever in doing so. If you are surrounded by good believers, everyday input about salvation & a healthy environment and you humble yourself to be taught, helped, lead and discipled, he will not be plain and obvious about it most of the time.
He will take truth and then twist it, take it out of context and insert it somewhere where it takes on a whole new meaning, thereby perverting it. He will use some of the very people or places, that are supposed to be your new home and family. And he will constantly remind you of what you are trying to forget by taking the truth of your nature and weakness and using it to try and torment you. But wait, I thought I have been found and am now withing the safe boundaries of the good Father?
How come it’s even possible for me to hear the shouts or feel the temptation?
Because even though now you belong to the kingdom of heaven, you are still existing in a sinful earth, with the Father of lies -the enemy- influencing and tempting whoever is not careful or simply does not know.
Now that said, let’s get into our response to that. First of all, what are we responding to?
Here are some of the things that you might face, when in the courtyard of your Father’s house: 1. temptation at every turn 2. guilt trips 3. shame floods and flashbacks 4. memory flashes 5. judgement 6. loneliness 7. fits of anger or sadness 8. doubt 9. falls advice 10. moments of self-righteousness Wait, is this supposed to be the good news?
I thought when your found things get better?
“Whomever the son sets free, is free indeed “and all that…? Yes. That is what is happening in actuality. Things are already better and are getting better with every breath you draw and take in while having arrived at the Father’s house. And more still, there are so many good things that will have happened by the time you are here. The Shepards fining and taking you home is immediate if you let Him. He does not delight in your lostness. And He is not in the habit of purposefully leaving you there as a lesson or punishment or whatever or even forgetting to tend to you.
But He is gentle, so He would never grab you and drag you anywhere against your will. That’s not the language He speaks. He speaks Love. That’s why we need to learn to cooperate with being found and learn to dwell in our “foundness”.
Sidenote: Someone who has attended church for 20 years can still find themselves lost, just being found, and then arriving in the courtyard of the Father. And then be standing right next to someone who was abducted, trafficked, and used for horrors and then quite literally found, rescued, and brought to safety spiritually and physically. Regardless of the different shapes the lostness had, they were both lost and both are now found, no one gets to judge, diminish, ridicule later on despise the other. So, yes things have gotten better, and they will get better. You need to know that because it might not always feel that way. In fact, experience says, that it feels as though it gets a little bit worse before it starts getting better. Simply because now that we are found we have the awareness of how lost we were. Sometimes it’s a deep sorrow and a “Can that ever be undone”, sometimes it’s the old things not wanting to let us go. But in every case rest assured, that it is also the enemy trying to convince us, that regardless of how bad the past was, this present state might be turning out to be worse. Basically, trying to get us to the point the Israelites got to, when they were in the wilderness and they thought they would starve and said, “If only we would have stayed in Egypt (slavery was there), at least there our masters gave us food”. We don’t want to get to the point where we to ask God “Do you not care that we dye. Did you bring us out here for us to starve …” etc... But the truth is, one can feel like that every single day. So even when we get angry and blame God, his answer is truth in love.
It is especially vital to have the foresight about this period of the journey. This is where we must make the daily decisions to stay in the court and in fact follow the Shepard deeper into the house without looking back or even heading the voice of the enemy beyond the gates.
Why is it vital to have foresight about this time?
Because this is where so many turn back. This is where many get disappointed with God, hurt by the Church or angry at individual brothers and sisters in Christ.
You need to know, that some people you meet in that court, are just about to turn back direction gate and exit, some others might be the kind of ppl that have been there for their entire life because they are not ever ready to go deeper. Some other where inside the house and entered a room that was too much for them to deal with, so they would rather go check out the new commers outside and tell them all that’s wrong with them because it makes them feel better than having to face their issues. And there are even those churches and people that mean well but are still growing in how after understanding what and why.
Regardless of whom or what it is that you meet in that courtyard please please please always remember. They are not God and He is not in the habit of running around pointing fingers and shaming or blaming people.
In fact, if you get blamed and shamed instead of convicted and challenged you can be pretty sure that is not the Lord speaking. This instead, is what Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [ a] gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Now, of course that does not mean that things just get super easy and fun. No, it means that the things that were hard before now can be given To Jesus… again … if we let Him take them. It also means this “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible,” (Matthew 19:26).
Also, not everyone is judging or blaming or shaming you, simply because they don’t agree with you. Some of it might be exactly what you need to hear or know and work on. But always with Jesus and never alone. Here is what I believe our response to the situation of “foundness” and standing in the courtyard should be:
1.
Do not linger around
In fact you want to simply pass by the courtyard, because it’s a place where there is a lot that can distort and confuse you. Seek Him, long to know Him better, study the Father and His ways.
2.
Pray Pray Pray! Find a good prayer plan and prayer partners if you have the means. And then pray for these things at the least: A renewed mind and heart, to be continuously filled with the Holy Spirit, against temptation & for protection from the forces of darkness, for a deeper understanding of the one who found and saved you and the full armor of God found in Ephesians 6:10-18 The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
3.
You will need a constant community of fellow believers. If it is in any way possible, you need to join a group of people that love the lord and are doing life together in whatever form. If it costs you, because you are an introvert or you are shy or you just don’t really like having people around you for whatever reason, I dare you to challenge yourself in this. It is such an essential part of becoming found and will spare you a lot while benefiting you all at the same time.
4.
Leave your language of the things you thought you needed right there but in that have grace towards yourself. God does. When you fall and sin, repent immediately before God and ideally a sibling in faith, that you trust. Remember that when you sin, you are most vulnerable to the enemy, all the while God is literally standing there arm open wide waiting for you to allow Him to do His thing. Do that instead of going on a guilt trip or allow the enemy to take you on one. It will pretty much waste your time & is not Gods heart.
This IS and remains Gods heart: That whomever the son sets free, is free indeed. Keep that one in mind. You will need it continuously.
That one and Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [ a] gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Keep these 4 in mind and take on step at a time. Sometimes you might be tempted to jump a step or 4 because you want to be that mature, secure, wise, and knowledgeable Christian that we all know someone is. But God has time, and His timing is perfect. So, trust that when something is not happening immediately, it is important for the thing to be done thoroughly. Also, when we run ahead of ourselves there is always the danger of becoming proud or legalistic because we are trying to compensate for that lack of knowledge or wisdom or security etc. we know we have. A prayer of “foundness” THANK YOU ! You found me and rescued me. No, I never want to leave your love. Don’t let me go. The Shepherd response “I am with you. Stay with me.” Romans 8:31-39 Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, [ b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.
My prayer My Lord, I thank you for your goodness and kindness towards us.
I am grateful, that the sin of this world did not hinder you, from reconnecting with your creation.
In your goodness you choose to reach out to us who are lost, even though we are undeserving.
in your kindness, you choose not to abandon those whom the world has abandoned. Instead, you look for us in your furious love and pursue us unyieldingly.
And what remains is for us to lean into your generous love so that it covers everything. I praise you, because you are too holy, to look on the afflicted and not be moved.
You look on those who suffer and your heart yearns for their soul.
May they be found and may they remain in you and you in them.
May you receive your desire and see the lost be found.
I love your heart. It is truly beautiful and only you are good.
Only you are good my Lord.