Total surrender...

I think we are never fully prepared for what God has in store for us. I think there are things He conceals on purpose because they are not meant for us to know beforehand. They would overwhelm us or lead us to rash and unwise conclusions and choices.
In the waiting, however, we can choose to either be passive, like a baby waiting for the mother to finish preparing the milk formula, or we can actively wait while doing the things we know are God's will for all His people. 

I know it sounds a lot more epic when we hear people talking about prophetic dreams from infancy that led them to become a full-on preacher and evangelist at 9 or whatever. But let us never underestimate that God can see all, do all, be everywhere at all times, and therefore is to be trusted in His judgment of when to do what and how to do it, with whom.

The older I am in faith, the more I have come to understand that some of us are not taking total surrender as a standard. Some because we are "waiting for God to reveal His will," some because "I have personal wishes and dreams and God knows it, so it's fine," and some because it does not sound easy. Even though we know it’s right, there are so many things that make it seem far too high a cost to pay... especially if we understand that salvation is ours once we choose it, regardless of our works.

So when we hear people say things like "total surrender," "life on the altar," "carrying my cross," or "to live is Christ and to die is gain," it might either seem irrelevant to us, or it challenges us until it makes us feel uncomfortable. Some people have even painted it as being legalistic.
For others, it just does not make sense. Why would I? I am saved by grace, right? Why should I now surrender my life, then lose everything, and be sent off to some remote village or something similarly unnerving, when I can just stay here and literally chill while pursuing my dreams?

I could totally get into Bible texts like 1 Peter 5:6, Luke 9:23, Luke 14:33, Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, James 4:7-10, Romans 12:1-2, Romans 6:13...etc.
That would give you the biblical reason.
But I could also tell you about my own experience with it.It was the most natural, the most logical, the most sensible thing I could do, where I was coming from, to throw myself at the mercy of Jesus and hand Him the torn leftovers of what I had called my life.
I had failed at doing things my way. I failed at life as a Christian and life in the world. One I was trying to do without God, the other I was trying to do despite God. Both lives I had tried to live were in imitation of something or someone other than Christ, and it brought me to my knees.Once I hit rock bottom, it was a very literal life-and-death situation, because that seemed to be more and more of an intriguing way out.
I’ve said this so many times when sharing my testimony:
I got to the point where the only prayer that made sense was, "Either You take my life or You take it over."
The only things that kept me from suicide were the seeds that had been planted by my mother, my mentors/pastor, and the Holy Spirit.
The hope of new life, the hope of glory.
I often wondered, how can I be saved and yet in this condition?
The truth is, salvation is a door you enter through. Jesus is the gate to salvation. But a door usually leads somewhere besides just passing through the door. Usually, you are headed somewhere. Behind teh doors there is into somewhere or out of somewhere. Beehind this door there is more JESUS, there is Holy Spirit and there is GOD the Father.

Now imagine, having lived in the worst sin, knowing there is a God who is watching, and all of a sudden, Jesus brings you into the presence of that God.
Forget that. The fact that Jesus chose to die for me, even though He knew me, blows my mind.
I didn’t even want to live for myself. I was fed up—with literally everything, most of all, myself. I hated me. I despised me and did not want to be me... However, I did not end my life because I knew the reality of heaven and hell, and I did not know where I was heading.
I did not end my life because I had seen a woman follow this Christ and always find joy in Him, no matter the hardships she went through. I had heard about God's heart of love for His children and longed to somehow actually see that happen.
I dared to hope that I might actually help someone one day, with whatever I had.So into His arms I ran. I forgot everything else because nothing else mattered.
It took a while to get to the point of actually staying there and not allowing the enemy to tell me I don’t belong due to my past.
But the truth, that it’s the safest place, is now so anchored, that even when I make bad choices or am under attack, I will myself to stay.And you cannot be constantly surrounded by Jesus without it changing your life.
Because of the love my Holy Family has for me, I am filled with gratitude but even more with affection.So out of love, I want to do what pleases God.
But there is also the aspect that, if He truly is who He says He is, then Jesus is the most loyal, the wisest, the most loving, the most truthful, the most encouraging, the most satisfying, the most understanding, the smartest, and the most capable best friend on earth.
Why exactly would anyone not want to be friends with someone like that?
I believe He is who He says He is. Therefore, it’s a very smart move to give Him all I have to govern and trust that, as resourceful as He is (see creation), He will manage to find something in me that He wove into me when He dreamt me up, that He can cultivate, build up, and use to build His Kingdom.Now, I know the word "use" might sound all wrong or even trigger some.
That’s because we are used to being “used” by humans, which is often synonymous with exploitation, selfishness, and so on.

The Lord, however, is unlike any human we have ever encountered. And the best thing about Him is that in Him there is no darkness, no sin, no evil. Only goodness, mercy, and more.
The Lord is building His Kingdom on earth. What is this Kingdom? Holiness, healing, salvation, redemption, reconciliation, fulfillment, holiness, purity, joy, peace, comfort, love, grace, wisdom, revelation, life, light, warmth... you see where this is going, right?
He is the ruler of this Kingdom He speaks of because God the Father has willed it so, and because all these things come from Him.
So, when we say "Your Kingdom come," we are praying for ourselves to be brought into or to receive this Kingdom.
At this point, something should have clicked in the hearts of those of us who have issues with the authoritative language used here. Ruler, King, Lord, God... some people are simply triggered by the fact that these titles imply being above us. YES, totally they do.
In fact, they don't just suggest that God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are above us, they force the absolute truth and reality on us that we are NOT. God did not will it so. Everything we have, down to the very breath we wake up to each morning, the very oxygen that fills our lungs when we yawn, the very muscles we start to stretch... ALL belong to God. He has given them as a gift.
And then, despite our limitations in wisdom, faithfulness, understanding, will, faith, etc., He chose to GIVE us free will, knowing all the while that HIS will is the best thing for us because HE IS LOVE.
And now we get to spend a blink of an eye—compared to eternity—choosing whether we want His Kingdom (with all the above aspects and more) or our own kingdom, with all the experiences—war, slavery, poverty, perversion, discord, rebellion, evil, death, selfishness, etc.Do you get what I am saying by... "It was the most natural, the most logical, the most sensible thing I could do, where I was coming from, to throw myself at the mercy of Jesus and hand Him the torn leftovers of what I had called my life."I very, very, VERY much want the Kingdom of God to come!!! Yesterday, if possible. Please.
I'm one catastrophe or election away from starting a "build my bunker" project.
Why would I not want His Kingdom to come? His will is that as many of His creation as possible choose Him back and become reunited with Him, Eden-style.
Uh, YES PLEASE! Sign me up for HIS WILL too!

My heart posture then turns from running away from His holiness to running towards it because I understand that it is He who makes holy in the first place.
So if He will have me broken, traumatized, used (by humans), filthy, selfish, afraid, angry, depressed, sad, addicted, full of lies, confused, weak... and make something out of that mess that will aid in ushering His Kingdom in? I am a volunteer.Now, here is what makes me tear up every now and then. All the darkness that I came with never impressed Him. He calls me beautiful. He sees me how He made me... wonderfully and fearfully. He never stopped thinking of me as valuable, precious, worth the life of God the Son.
That is crazy.
I was discredited for more reasons than I want to count. But just like Jesus didn’t care about the ethnicity, body count, or status of the woman at the well, He didn’t care about the stench and dirt He picked me up from.
And what makes it even more like a fairy tale: when God uses you, it doesn’t break you down but builds you up. When you become a key in His Kingdom, His Kingdom enters you and starts reforming you. A new life indeed. Instead of God using you and leaving you empty, He fills you up to the brim until you overflow, and therefore minister His Kingdom to this world and the people in it.


And CLICK!

At least, I hope, that something just moved into the right place in your hearts right now.

There is so much more on this I would like to say. 
But I’ll leave you with this:

Giving my life to Jesus was the best decision I ever made for ME.
Dedicating my life to the one true God is the best decision I ever made for US.

Love you 

Elo