When being misunderstood becomes a blessing

Being different in appearance from the majority of people around me has often subjected me to underestimation, prejudice, rejection, or even outright contempt - and so, so often to absolutely unwanted attention.

Being an introvert, an observer, analytical, and a recovering overthinker, I’ve found that people frequently either misjudge me or avoid, overlook, and dismiss me completely.

Being someone who gets excited over the little things in life - who celebrates others’ successes, delights in the beauty within and around people, and genuinely cares when I ask about their day or their lives - I often come off as “too much.” I love to laugh, make others laugh, have deep talks, one-on-one conversations, and express my emotions with my body & face (not on purpose… I’m just built like that). Somehow, this has been mistaken for attention-seeking, and ironically, even for being shallow or fake. This has led to lots of premature rejection, followed by late-stage “re-categorization” by people who eventually get to know me.

Then, being someone who has random conversations with God in my head sometimes while out and about, makes me look stern or serious, in contrast to all of the above. I reflect and think deeply - about past things, present things, and future things. For instance, I might think back on something that didn’t go well the day before, remind myself to be okay with my mistakes, check my heart to see if I truly am okay, and if not, I ask the Lord to help me let it go. Then, I’ll look for the lesson, the “why” behind the situation, and why doing it differently next time could be better. And then I wrap it all up by thinking through how I could handle it differently next time around. Phew! See how that takes focusing, being intentional & thinking for a moment or five? 
Before I was walking in awareness of God, all that deep thinking just led to condemnation. Now, with the Holy Spirit, it has become one of my favorite “classroom exercises” - I love it. It can take three seconds, three minutes, or three hours, or, if it’s something big, three days (and so on). All while I’m going around with my “thinker face” on! But this whole deep thought process has been interpreted in countless ways: my “thinker face” has been mistaken for a sad face, a troubled face, an angry face, a judgmental face, an arrogant face, a weird face, a proud face…a face that seems to carry every emotion but the right one. As a result, I’ve been given labels like diva, “ghetto,” aggressive, emo, and, well, the list goes on. Why? All because of a glance, a misinterpretation, and a quick categorization that sticks... 

-Now you are probably thinking... all that in one Elo ? maybe it IS smart to keep distance :D... naahh. Say Hi… I'm nice. I promise … sometimes ...maybe-.

Anyway…
How do I know these things ? Because they told me ...

So many times, I’ve been new to a community, group, or environment, or someone new has joined a group I’m already part of, and I feel their eyes on me, maybe just once, maybe a few times. Then comes the disdain or indifference, sometimes in their behavior, sometimes in actual words. Later on, I hear, “I used to dislike you because I thought you were…” and they’ll fill in the blank with whatever stereotype fit my “thinker face” that day. Worse still, I’ll hear from someone else that this same person, who now wants to spend time with me, actually started off by disliking me.
That used to hurt twice, or even three times over.
I’ve always been a discerner by nature, habit, and gift, so I could pick up on the exact moment when someone decided I wasn’t worth their while. That hurt, and then when I’d feel them re-evaluate their decision - often only after seeing how others who knew me treated me - that would hurt, too. And finally, hearing them admit they once disliked me based on some snap judgment used to reopen those old wounds.Through it all, though, I’ve learned so much - astonishingly, about God, of all things! It’s crazy how “…He works all things out for good, for those who love Him…” even in areas of life we’d never imagine worth His time. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have taught me about His perfect nature through the flaws of human nature, to the point where, instead of being bitter, I see these experiences as proof of His love and light. Instead of coldness or distance, I feel a warmth that shines brighter in those very places that could have made me hard & guarded.

Living with the Lord has shone a light on my own flaws. I had to ask myself, How often do I do this to others? And that question has led me to acknowledge, repent, and turn away from it. With this understanding, I’ve also learned to stop taking it personally when others judge me and actually see it as a chance to grow when I tell others about it, they can also take it as a lesson and a challenge to grow, too.

Here’s the lesson I’ve learned:
God is your Creator, not the person misjudging you.
Jesus died for you, not the person misjudging you.
The Holy Spirit truly knows you, not the person misjudging you.

So, the only opinion about you that really REALLY matters is God’s. And yes, that excludes your mother’s opinion and, yes, even your own. If your opinion about yourself isn’t aligned with God’s, then you’re simply wrong about who you think you are! It doesn’t matter how much soul-seeking, character camps, personality assessments, or feedback you’ve gathered - God’s opinion stands above all others.
Let that sink in.
Obviously, surround yourself with wise, lovong people, that are also honest and deep with the Lord, so that they can show you ou through His eyes, when you can't see or hear it. 
Okey
Are we good? Then, you’re probably more mature than I was when He first said that to me! ha ha ...

What I’ve learned is to think in this order: 
First, God’s opinion of me.
Second, my opinion, based on what I believe He’s saying about me.
Then, the opinion of people around me based on their understanding of what God says about me.

ALL THREE CROSS EXAMINED WITH THE WORD/ THE BIBLE & THE HOLY SPIRIT/THE SPIRIT OF GOD

When this order of thought is in place, the last word is always His.
That also means, that you are able to take correction, with grace for example or choose not to take it personal or not to take it to serious (depending on who is giving it).
That never means to be incorectable, unchainging and unwilling to recive advice, wisom, correction and criticism from others. No. you definetly want to always remain teachable !!! 
But it does mean instead of getting offended by it - either because it hit home or completely missed the mark- I can directly put it to work and thank the Lord for the person conveying it to me AND keep that person close if their assertion is sound and their life is showing fruits of wisdom.
 
And while I still keep a teachable heart, I also absolutely have to know the general truths for example: 
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, created in His image.
I am saved by grace not by my works or the works of others.
God’s love isn’t based on my achievements but on His nature. 
God does NOT define me by my mistakes, but by His love for me.
I am adopted into His family and, by heavenly standards, I’m royalty.
Whether I feel like a bloated, bad-hair-day grump or someone who could fill a record book with wrongs, I have to remember that even on my worst days, my mood and the lies of the enemy still bow to my true identity in Him.
Having this foundation has actually helped me learning the value of criticism. Its GOLD !
I love it because I’ve learned to let the Holy Spirit filter what’s His truth and what’s flesh. I get to see what I need to work on - with Holy Spirits promise to do most of the work, and I just have to agree and act on it- and what I can forget or keep away form my person, because it might only aply to a situation or the opinion of the other person and not actually be something concering me as a charakter.
Welcoming criticism has opened up so many good doors and opportunities that are still bearing fruit in my life and that God uses to keep teaching me and raising me. 
Another thing is, when you are not able to hear the correction by the Holy Spirit and a person is sent to tell you the same, you are still on the better side of being corrected, bacause whats next is disciplin ...and that one hurts. 

Here’s the best part:
When we humble ourselves before God, He lifts us up, regardless of where people may place us.
And that goes both ways: if we take the last seat but belong in the first, He will put us there. If we fight for the front row - trying to take a seat we  do not belong on-, we’ll have to keep fighting to stay there, or we’ll lose that seat to the one it actualy belongs to and be humiliated. If That opens doors for the spirit of resentment, rejection, and ofence, which go hand in hand with pride. NO GOOD!
Pride comes before the fall, after all.
If God did not put you there, it is not to humiliate you but to spare, protect, preserve and lead ypu to the seat that is actualy yours (no fighting and struggling with ppl involved).

So... When people misjudge me now, I give it to the Lord. I observe people doing their people thing, I notice their behavior towards me, and I let it go. I have to, because anything else becomes a chain, and life has enough challenges as it is. And I have spent way to much time on trying to please people.

God usually takes care of it like this: 
If people don’t see past appearances, I let them and leave it untouched unless Holy Spirit says otherwise.
It’s actually a blessing because I don’t waste time investing in relationships that aren’t meant for me. And instead, I can give that time to the few relationships that are meant for me. Because I am a giver and love to pour into people, I can welcome this as a system I hadrly have to operate.
People who don’t judge a book by its cover often turn out to be the people you want to be close to anyway.
In that case...Congratulations! you may have just gained a friend who’s the real deal!
But those who keep their own narrative spare me the trouble of convincing them of who I am and spare themselves the awkward tiptoeing later.

In the end, what remains is grace and compasion.
I know how quickly we can all judge based on a single moment or appearance, and I know how awkward it feels to have to admit being wrong afterwards. 
The Lord often tells me, “...be still and know that I am God…”-with a silent but clear “…not you…” in there. 
Ha ha!
One of my pastors once said, “Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can love people better than God.”
This means letting Him be the teacher, the healer, the judge, the definer, and the One who fills us with His love, that you then get to share it with others REGARDLESS OF THEIR OPINION OF YOU ... see what God did there?
Stoping us from being the issue and teaching us to be the solutuion... brilliant isn't He !?

All of this to say:
If people choose to judge you, count it as a blessing. 
Give it up to God.
This isn’t just a way to cope, but actualy an activation of the principles God has spoken into the universe to work for your good.
God is the best security you can have. He’s not even a “best bet” because He is not a gamble;

He is solid ground 🏀

Love you all! Stay blessed! ♥


_{Picture by Ionela Petrice 
https://www.instagram.com/ionelapetrice?igsh=ZnBzcm15ZXR5ZXZw}